Cockney

We have a resident, named Tony, at Windmill house who is very proud of his cockney heritage.  He will tell you that he was born is east London within the sound of the Bow Bells.  (Bow Bells are the bells of the church of St. Mary-le-Bow, Cheapside, London. To be 'born within the sound of Bow Bells' is the traditional definition of a Cockney.)  Here is a portion of his discourse on all things cockney:

By birthright is given the title of cockney and all of the blessings that this title bestows.  Namely: courage, panache, tact, stunningly good looks, slang language, good singing voice, and the ability to make up any absurdity of a story and make it believable.  

Some of Tony's cockney rhyming slang:

A cockney might say:                           Meaning:

Apples and pears Stairs   

Frog and toad Road

Hampstead Heath Teeth

Belt buckle Chuckle

A giraffe A laugh

Trouble and strife Wife

Pie and liquor Vicar

Jam jar Scar

China plate Mate (friend)

Dog and bone phone

Mince pies Eyes

Boat race Face

Plates of meat Feet

Current bun Sun

Whistle and flute Suit

Lady Godiva Fiver

Actually, I think he is having a giraffe on my behalf.