Eldest

Today I have to say goodbye to my eldest - Josh, aged 25. He is going back to Korea to work and be with his serious girlfriend, Jisook. He has agonized over the decision to go back so soon and not stay for the holidays. He and I have had several deep conversations about him leaving. I have cried privately and with him as I will miss him so much.
Each of my sons occupy a room in my heart. When one leaves, as Josh did for college six years ago, it is like the light in the room in my heart goes dim. They are still very much adored in my heart but now they are far away, living out their own lives and adventures. They are not a part of my daily mayhem and madness. I used to gaze at Josh's childhood pictures as I dusted them and say. "where are you now? What are you doing? I miss you." I broke down the first time Josh walked away from us in an airport on his way to school in Minnesota. I cried so hard it scared me. He was my first born, my baby boy that came with much celebration after two years of three miscarriages. I am very proud of the men that both he and Jonny have become - strong, hard-working, God-fearing. We can argue, cry and laugh (oh can we laugh!!) All my sons are my finest achievements of my time here on earth.
So, today, again, I have to watch Josh walk away from us in Heathrow airport. When will we see each other again? I am not sure. I know God will watch over him.