Is it menopause??

I wonder how God can use me sometimes. I know He can use the unwise and fools and that gives me hope - but honestly, most times I am just a cranky middle-aged fool with a big mouth.
Can I blame it on menopause??? I would like to, but because of knowing myself, I really cannot. If this is menopausal and one day I will emerge as a gentle, kind woman - Oh Lord! Hasten the day!!! Most days - barely concealed raving maniac woman is what you get.

So I got up this morning - Monday morning - early and raring to go! The kids are out of school for autumn half term break, so no lunchboxes to fill, no rushing off to school, just a good quiet time with God and into work early with lots of plans to get stuff done. It started out OK, but then this nice unsuspecting lady (who is most likely on the other nicer side of menopause) comes into my office - to help. She is visiting with her husband, who is helping with finances, and they sent her to my office so that I could find her something to do. She really was very nice - but at first, I totally misread the situation. I thought that everyone knew she was coming - including my husband - but forgot to tell me. Yeah, well, I showed her the phone system quickly and she answered some of the calls. I was just freaked out because I was trying to hurry and do what I had to get done for the day - garden invoices, doctor and dental appointments for the men, copies for the Tuesday bible studies - while trying to chat and be hospitable to this nice lady. I was weighing the pros and cons of starting her on making a new music book, but she was only going to be here today and tomorrow morning. It is hard to have someone start and then come behind them and sort out what they have done. I just fall back on my stinky mommy thinking and say "It will just be easier to do it myself."

So I come away with the thoughts - I am just the meanest woman in the world. I am an uptight, high strung type A hateful woman. How can anyone else love me AND how can the Ruler of the universe love me???? But then His Spirit whispers - " I do love you, I made you, I know you.
Repent and enjoy the fresh garment of justification that I have for you - right now. Slip it on and know that you are my dearly beloved daughter. Take a deep breath and go forward and sin no more. " Then I am sure He chuckles because I am like a defiant toddler - of course I will sin more - in a minute. Later on today. Certainly tomorrow. Next week is looking pretty good also.