Turning 50, then 51

Last year I turned fifty, and I cried for three days. Not all of it is because of the age thing, part was because my eldest - Josh - left England on my birthday on his way to a new adventure in Seoul, Korea. I hate it when family leaves. When Josh left at 18, to go to Minnesota to college, I wept like a baby at the airport and then truly mourned for about two months. He was the first to leave home, and it devastated me.
So part of my crying was because Josh left - and it got all hectic toward the end. We were planning on going out to lunch, just him and I and having one last long conversation. But it didn't happen like that and the next thing I know is that he is out the door going to Heathrow.
The other part why I cried - I am not so sure. I felt alone, abandoned and worthless. I felt like everyone in the world had a place but me. No one could console me, not the kids nor Scott. I cried through the night in my favorite place to cry - the bathtub. I did not sleep and called in sick on Monday. Finally, I knew I had to go to work on Tuesday, but could not stop crying in the car - poor Scott. I could not put words to my sorrow, but everything that I had held in for the last couple of years came out. When we got to work, I went and found our director - Mary Alice. I was going to tell her that I didn't think I could work that day either, but she sat me down to talk. It all came out and probably did not make much sense, but her first comment was - "we have been wondering when you would crack" or something to that effect. She said that her first couple of years as a missionary in Spain were very hard and that she would go on crying jags for days also. She talked me through it and out the other end and I was much better.
Anyway, I turn 51 next week. I think I will do better because Josh is not leaving, he is coming in September. I have just had a wonderful time in Alabama and my luv tank is fairly full. I just want you wonderful girlfriends out there to know I love you, I love your children and even your pets ( Kathi Millsaps dog: Smokey). You give so much more than you know. I think I am going to start crying..... but it's good this time.