Eldest

Today I have to say goodbye to my eldest - Josh, aged 25. He is going back to Korea to work and be with his serious girlfriend, Jisook. He has agonized over the decision to go back so soon and not stay for the holidays. He and I have had several deep conversations about him leaving. I have cried privately and with him as I will miss him so much.
Each of my sons occupy a room in my heart. When one leaves, as Josh did for college six years ago, it is like the light in the room in my heart goes dim. They are still very much adored in my heart but now they are far away, living out their own lives and adventures. They are not a part of my daily mayhem and madness. I used to gaze at Josh's childhood pictures as I dusted them and say. "where are you now? What are you doing? I miss you." I broke down the first time Josh walked away from us in an airport on his way to school in Minnesota. I cried so hard it scared me. He was my first born, my baby boy that came with much celebration after two years of three miscarriages. I am very proud of the men that both he and Jonny have become - strong, hard-working, God-fearing. We can argue, cry and laugh (oh can we laugh!!) All my sons are my finest achievements of my time here on earth.
So, today, again, I have to watch Josh walk away from us in Heathrow airport. When will we see each other again? I am not sure. I know God will watch over him.

Poor coconut

When you go to buy shredded coconut at the store it is called, tragically, "desiccated coconut."
That's a little harsh, don't you think? We were discussing this at dinner and had to add some substitute words: decimated, decapitated, desecrated, devastated, and Josh's suggestion: defecated. None really add appeal to the poor coconut. I think they should go with a kinder and gentler adjective such as: flaked, which brings to mind happy snowflakes. I do notice on the bag that it is a product of a muslim nation. Maybe this is a sinister message to all infidels -" don't mess with us. See what we do to mere coconuts? No mercy!!!"

Or maybe not.
Poor coconut.

Cold nights

Long underwear - or thermal underpants, as they are called here - are most lovely. So are hot water bottles, and duvets. We live in a big wonky old house with three stories and we are really trying to keep heating bills down. It is heated by radiators which are heated with gas. Over the summer I collected used heaters for several rooms, we just turn them on when we go in the room, but that leaves the halls quite chilly. Our bedroom is especially cold. There is this old seventies style built in unit in the bay window and there must not be any insulation behind it because you can feel the cold air coming from both it and the window. Last winter we could see the wind moving the curtains through the cracks in the window casings. Brrrrr! I do have some material to make thicker curtains - but no time to make them! I want to get them done before it really gets cold. I do have this awesome little heater that warms the room up enough to fall asleep, but then you wake up and the room is really cold. That is why that morning cup of tea is so important.
The kids sleep in the attic and it can be very chilly also - but I got them all duvets for their beds and that really makes a difference.

One more thing - last night was Halloween and nobody goes trick or treating in Wythall. No one. On the news they said that more than 50% of parents in Britain were not letting their children trick or treat because it has just gotten too dangerous. The news also said to be very careful about opening your door to people. Crickey!!! Is it really that dangerous around here? It's too cold for danger. We should all stay inside, under covers, drinking tea and watching telly.

Sick Hubbie

Scott is all nauseous and achey (achie? achy?) , maybe running a fever. I am taking him home. We are at work, but he just cannot keep going. At first I thought it might be the curry I made last night - I swear the chicken was still good. But I don't think that funky curry would give him a fever.
The kids are at home, as it is still half term break. Tonight I am supposed to go eat dinner at the women's house and meet with one of my accountability partners. We are doing Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself bible study together - and it is great! I did it about six years (or more) ago, but it is all new for me. When I get home, we are going to watch Charlie Brown's Halloween - "It's the Great Pumpkin!" Yeah for Charlie Brown! A friend has it and is lending it to us - because they certainly do not have it here.

OXford

I sat across the table at the Noodle bar in Oxford, smiling at Peter and Christopher sharing a large bowl of chicken noodle, eating very deftly with chopsticks. We don't eat out much at all - maybe once every 4 - 6 months here. It is a big splurge as resturants are very hard on our budget, but this is a special occasion. Josh's girlfriend from Korea is here and this is her last day with us as she is going to visit friends in both Oxford and London for the remainder of her time in the UK. She spent nine months studying in Oxford last year and wanted to show us this city. We had never been here and we love it. It is an amazing city, with beautiful building and all sorts of interesting shops and people. I love walking through the colleges of Oxford University. This is definately a place we will visit again.

Is it menopause??

I wonder how God can use me sometimes. I know He can use the unwise and fools and that gives me hope - but honestly, most times I am just a cranky middle-aged fool with a big mouth.
Can I blame it on menopause??? I would like to, but because of knowing myself, I really cannot. If this is menopausal and one day I will emerge as a gentle, kind woman - Oh Lord! Hasten the day!!! Most days - barely concealed raving maniac woman is what you get.

So I got up this morning - Monday morning - early and raring to go! The kids are out of school for autumn half term break, so no lunchboxes to fill, no rushing off to school, just a good quiet time with God and into work early with lots of plans to get stuff done. It started out OK, but then this nice unsuspecting lady (who is most likely on the other nicer side of menopause) comes into my office - to help. She is visiting with her husband, who is helping with finances, and they sent her to my office so that I could find her something to do. She really was very nice - but at first, I totally misread the situation. I thought that everyone knew she was coming - including my husband - but forgot to tell me. Yeah, well, I showed her the phone system quickly and she answered some of the calls. I was just freaked out because I was trying to hurry and do what I had to get done for the day - garden invoices, doctor and dental appointments for the men, copies for the Tuesday bible studies - while trying to chat and be hospitable to this nice lady. I was weighing the pros and cons of starting her on making a new music book, but she was only going to be here today and tomorrow morning. It is hard to have someone start and then come behind them and sort out what they have done. I just fall back on my stinky mommy thinking and say "It will just be easier to do it myself."

So I come away with the thoughts - I am just the meanest woman in the world. I am an uptight, high strung type A hateful woman. How can anyone else love me AND how can the Ruler of the universe love me???? But then His Spirit whispers - " I do love you, I made you, I know you.
Repent and enjoy the fresh garment of justification that I have for you - right now. Slip it on and know that you are my dearly beloved daughter. Take a deep breath and go forward and sin no more. " Then I am sure He chuckles because I am like a defiant toddler - of course I will sin more - in a minute. Later on today. Certainly tomorrow. Next week is looking pretty good also.

Gracie Sharp

I am so glad to hear that Gracie is doing better. It was really scary to be reading about her way over here! I hope that she gets well very quickly.